why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
