I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
