Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
