The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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