Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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