I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
