OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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