there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
