i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
