my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
