I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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