I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize