right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
