I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
