i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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