im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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