Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
