if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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