I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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