My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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