Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
