I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize