so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
