Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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