Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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