I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
