so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
