My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
