we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
