she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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