yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize