you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
