i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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