Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
