at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
