Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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