He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
