No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
