I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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