Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
