sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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