AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
