Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
