oh god the rape fog is back!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
