sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
