pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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