I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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