you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
