Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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