Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize