party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
