Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
COCAINE IS GR8
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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