you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
