She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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