Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
