Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
