just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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