she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
