Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
