Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
