The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
