Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She is in my trunk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
