fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
