I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
