hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Two words: nipple clamps
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