Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
