He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
