hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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