everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
