There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
