does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
