No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
