i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
