you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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