worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
