Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
