I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
