I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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