She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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