mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Text me some of your sweat
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
